


Apart But Together

by Icalia248



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Bipolar Disorder, Cheating, Established Relationship, Eventual Happy Ending, M/M, My First Fanfic, Sibling Bonding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-21
Updated: 2015-03-02
Packaged: 2018-03-08 10:53:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3206564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Icalia248/pseuds/Icalia248
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ian and Mickey are in an established relationship but when Ian's bipolar starts to act up things become rocky between the two.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. First Comes The Storm

Ian's been acting strange. Barely sleeping, easily angered and overly sexual. Mickey is afraid that if he let's Ian's sibling make Ian get help that he'll go back to before, when Ian knew he deserved better than Mickey. Afraid the people at this clinic or treatment center will tell Ian that being with Mickey is destructive and that he shouldn't put himself in that situation with his condition, basically exactly what Mickey is afraid is the truth. Mickey knows that if he loses Ian again he's not sure he can make it through. Ian's been the only guiding light in his life and without him Mickey's not sure what will become of him, not that he's ever admitted that.  


They get into an argument, over something trivial and not even worth their time but that causes a downward spiral of events. Ian leaves the Milkovich home and goes back "home" or what use to be his home, he's not sure if that's true anymore. This "home" doesn't feel like his home any longer.

A few hours later Mickey goes to the Gallagher house to get Ian to come back. Mickey tries to talk to Ian but he just seems detached. Mickey has a frightening thought in his head and he doesn't know why but the words come out even though he's afraid of the answer he's about to hear.

"Do you even want to be with me anymore?"

Ian looks at Mickey straight in the eyes not saying anything.

Mickey looks into those green eyes and he's not sure if he's seeing it right but he sees eyes both full of emotion and none at all, 'is that even possible?'

It feels like it's been hours but it's probably only been a few minutes but Mickey's sure Ian's not going to say anything. Mickey decides this might be worse than him just saying he didn't want to be with him.

Mickey looks away, turns to walk out but not quite leaving yet.

Ian tries to say something but he can't bring himself to, he let's Mickey walk out.

Ian starts to cry, he does want to be with Mickey but he doesn't want to hurt him anymore than he's already done. The cheating flashes through his mind and he's disgusted with himself. He doesn't believe he's worthy of Mickey and all the "love" he receives from the older boy. He fights with himself, 'How could you do this to him after everything he's done for you?' 'You've wanted him since that moment in the older Milkovich's bedroom with a tire iron that seems so many years ago now' "Of course I still want to be with you" is all Ian wishes he could of said to Mickey. 'Is it really the end for them?' He finds himself once again in that same bedroom crying over that Milkovich boy but this time it's by his own doing.  


Mickey walks out of the bedroom and goes to leave not looking at anyone who might have been home. If anyone had said something to him he doesn't even register it. He's now outside the Gallagher house on the sidewalk with his back facing the house. Mickey's crying those silent tears that only seem to come when a certain red-haired Gallagher boy is involved. He's stopped in that spot yet to move away from the house, he doesn't know why 'does he think Ian's going to chase after him?' He comes to and realizes that that's not the case, he finally walks away.  


Fiona was home and she saw Mickey from the Window. She may not have been able to see his face but she knows that body language all too well, it's sadness and heartbreak. She looks towards the stairs decides to give it a few minutes until she goes up to talk to Ian. She decides she needs to finally be there for her brother, she can't let others keep taking care of him especially when the main caregiver just left. She starts towards Ian's room.  


Mickey doesn't want to go home, he doesn't want to have to pretend he's okay, he doesn't think he can. So he walk and walks, chain smoking while doing so. Everywhere he goes he sees Ian. He walks past the Kash and Grab and all the memories flood him but there's one in particular "you're nothing but a warm mouth to me" 'you don't deserve him, you never did' Those thoughts he's always had but had started to hear less and less were now back louder than ever.

Mickey now finds himself at the abandoned buildings. The place he use to go whenever it all got to be too much. When his dad was out of prison and he feared abuse. When he would have fights with Gallagher. It was basically his form of a torture chamber. "You love me and you're gay.. just admit it" So much has happened but those words that Gallagher said to him never left. 'He'll never know because you never said it and now it's too late.'  


Fiona stops before she goes in. She sees Ian on the bed right where he use to belong and she recognizes that same body language she just saw on Mickey.

"Ian?"

As soon as the words come out Ian seems to become completely still.

"What happened?"

Ian says nothing.

"I'm not leaving until you tell me"

She moves closer to him, hesitates but puts her hand on his shoulder.

"I'm here for you, you know that Ian. I know I may not have been lately but I'm not going anywhere this time"

Ian starts "I've fucked up Fi"

She sits on the edge on the bed where she can finally see Ian clearly. She sees the red puffy eyes and the tear stained cheeks.

"He has to forget me before he hates me" he says.

Fiona may not know everything about their relationship but she can tell how much both boys care about each other.

"Why do you say that Ian?"

"He'll never look at me the same again. I had to"

She feels a strange sense of knowing exactly what Ian means.

"You purposely pushed him away didn't you?"

He looks into Fiona's eyes and she sees pain and something else, guilt.

"Why Ian?"

"I.. I.."

"It's okay it's just me"

"I cheated.."

Fiona tries not to react too much, she remembers how it was with her mom but this is Ian not Monica and as it turns out Mickey is no Frank.

"Ian I know you don't want to admit to it but this is part of bipolar"

She sees Ian's body language change but she's not going to let him back away from the conversation this time.

"Would you have done that to Mickey if not?"

Ian knows something is wrong with him, he's not an idiot. He would never cheat on Mickey but he's terrified of ending up like Monica. He sees that evening when Monica slit her wrists in the kitchen 'could that be me?'

Fiona knows her brother and she can see his mind spinning so she grabs his hand and makes sure he looks her in the eyes, makes sure he understands, "You are not Monica."


	2. Sibling's Advice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ian and Mickey haven't seen each other in a few weeks, Lip and Mandy take notice of this and decide it's time to do something about that.

It's been a few weeks since either Ian or Mickey has seen the other, not that they don't want to it's just neither is ready to face the reality of it yet.

Ian hasn't exactly agreed to get help yet but Fiona knows that what she said to him got through and for now she'll count that as progress.

Mickey hasn't been spending much time anywhere. Svetlana seems to be taking on his role as boss at the rub n tug and he hasn't come around to the Gallagher house.

Ian's been acting like it hasn't effected him but ever since Fiona talked to him all he can think of is Mickey, Mickey walking away and Ian not stopping him. Then there's also the fact that Mickey seems to have disappeared.

Ian's gone around to the Alibi for the possibility that he will run into Mickey but he's afraid to actually go to the Milkovich house and ask for the boy. Ian's mind starts to wander to the possibilities that use to be very real when Mickey would disappear, 'what if he's done something to get him in trouble? what if he's in jail this time? He's not a kid anymore it wouldn't be juvie this time' 'He's not the same person as back then but with enough reason would he revert back?'

Mickey hasn't really been leaving the house much.

Mandy hasn't really ever seen him like this even before Ian when there was nothing but Terry's abuse to fear whenever he was in the house and not off in some jail cell. She's worried about her brother, they might not act like it but they've always taken care of each other above all else. It's always been Mickey and Mandy even among their other siblings who without Terry around aren't bad people but they also aren't the type to just stand up against their father.

Mandy has let enough time go by, she wants to know what really happened between her best friend and her favorite brother.

She approaches Mickey's room with hesitation but decides it's best to go back to her usual loud and intrusive self.

"Assface?"

..no reply.

She sees him laying on the bed in the middle of the day. He's never been one to be depressed at least not the kind that's obvious to others.

"Are you going to to tell me what happened or do you want me to go find out from a certain someone?"

He sits up grabs the beer from the side table, takes a swig then lights up a cigarette before finally looking his sister in the eyes.

Ian walks down the stairs into the kitchen where he finds Lip.

"Hey, where's the Mrs. lately?" He says.

Ian looks down avoiding looking his brother in the eyes. Lip didn't realize the effect his comment would have.

"I'm sorry man it's just you guys fight all the time right? Figured he would have come crawling back by now."

"He's not going to" Ian says "not after what I've done."

"What could you have possibly done?" Lip asks.

Ian guesses Fiona hasn't told anyone about their little chat.

"I fucking cheated on him that's what."

Ian doesn't know why he's telling Lip this, sure they use to tell each other everything but ever since Lip went off to college he hasn't really been there for him.

"And that's all it took to get him away from you?"

Ian looks at Lip, disbelief in his eyes.

"I just mean he's been what.. shot, beat, outted? You really think a little cheating is going to make him leave for good? Haven't you both been there before anyway?"

"We weren't really together then, it's not the same."

Ian doesn't really want to hear anymore of Lip's insensitive comments even if there's some truth in them. He's about to leave when Lip stops him.

"I'm just trying to point out that he's been through a lot that I never would have thought a Milkovich could go through for another person. I think whatever is happening now isn't the end, you just need to work through some shit. Can't believe I'm defending a Milkovich, especially Mickey Milkovich."

Ian can't either.

Mandy's let the smoke hit Mickey's lungs before she decides to invade his space even more. She leaves the doorway and enters Mickey's room taking a seat on what is usually Mickey's side of the bed. She's noticed how Mickey's been on Ian's side of the bed since the redheads been gone.

"Since when have we been the sharing caring siblings?"

"Since now asshole, get to it."

She takes his newly lit cigarette and puts it to her lips.

"He didn't even try to stop me. I'm the one who has the right to be angry."

"Why's that?" She asks.

"He fucking cheating on me that's why."

Mandy wishes she could be shocked or that she would expect better from her best friend but she can't, not with the erratic behavior Ian's been displaying as of late.

"So What? That's it, you're done?" She asks.

"That's just it I'm not nor did I say I was yet he's just pushing me away."

She knows exactly what Ian's up to.

"He's trying not to hurt you anymore then he already has."

"It's up to me who I let hurt me, no one else not even him."

Mandy's surprised she's gotten so much out of her brother. She sees that he's not going to let Ian go even without her talking to him but she likes to think she's the little push he needs.

"Then go tell him that dumbass, you can't actually believe he doesn't want to be with you not that I have a clue why you are just my asshole of a brother after all."

She stands up, heading out of the room but right before she does she turns around and smiles at Mickey. A genuine smile. She notices his demeanor lighten, she knows she's gotten through to him.


	3. Almost a Date (Is It a Date?)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mickey decides it's time to reach out to Ian.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly have no idea how to write for Debbie and even though it's a small bit I hope I did her justice.

{text from mickey} Meet me at the field tonight

Ian hasn't stopped staring at the message since he got it. Mickey actually wants to see him and he's the one who reached out.

After blankly staring at the screen of the phone for what seems like hours Ian realizes he hasn't answered Mickey back.

{text to Mickey} OK

After sending it Ian finds himself staring back at the screen so he doesn't realize that Fiona is at the door to his room.

"You okay?"

Ian comes to and looks up at her

"Yeah"

"Why you staring at the phone so hard?"

Ian looks back at the screen.

"It's Mickey,"

Fiona's eyes widen a bit

"he wants to meet"

"Well you're obviously doing that."

Ian slightly smiles at the thought that his sister wants him to go see a certain Milkovich boy. Then he thinks back of why Mickey actually wants to meet with him and he's maybe a little reluctant and maybe even scared of the outcome of the meeting.

"Look Ian you need to say how you really feel to him, it doesn't matter how screwed up things are right now he needs to know"

Ian knows Fiona's right even though he might be a bit scared he really wants to see Mickey and do just that.

Mandy's making herself breakfast when Mickey enters fully dressed.

"Look whose up?"

"Fuck you" Mickey flips her off to add emphasis.

"There's my asshole brother" She smiles and then offers him a plate of food.

They both sit at the table.

"So why you dressed so early?"

"Got shit to do"

"Just yesterday you wouldn't get out of bed"

"Well now I am"

"Whatever"

She knows he wont say it but she knows she made him feel even just a bit better. 'He'll owe me one' 

Ian's nervous and finding himself acting like a girl trying to figure out what to wear when he goes to meet Mickey. 'It's not like it's a date, plus he's pissed' 'why are you being like this? It's not like Mickey gives a shit what you wear' Ian thinks.

Debbie walks into the room.

"Hey"

Ian turns away from the dresser "Hey Debs"

"What you doing?" Debbie notices that Ian becomes shy to the question.

"Trying to pick something to wear"

"Since when do you care what you wear?"

Ian nods 'True'.

Debbie's intrigued "Special occasion?"

"Mickey actually wants to see me and I'm.. "

She smiles at that.

"What?"

"Nothing it's just this is Mickey Milkovich we're talking about, the guy whose closet probably doesn't even contain sleeves."

Ian actually busts out laughing, he can't help but lovingly stare at his little sister. He's missed this.

Mickey decides he needs time away from the Milkovich house before he meets up with Ian so he leaves a bit after finishing breakfast with Mandy. Not really sure where he's going he just knows he needs to clear his head a bit. Of course Mickey ends up at the Alibi and Svetlana is there says she's left the kid with Nika. Mickey doesn't really know why she thinks he wants to know this but he acknowledges it and just says "Whatever"

He takes a seat at the bar, decides he could use a drink.

"Jack" he tell Kev, not like he doesn't already know what he wants since he's a frequent customer of the bar.

"Been a while Mick"

Mick stares at Kev while he's pouring his drink, he downs it as soon as the last drop hits the glass.

"Yeah so?"

"Nothing just missed your grumpy ass"

"Shut the fuck up"

"See who else brings such life to the place?" Kev winks at him and Mickey just thinks he's a dumbass. But for some reason Kev is actually helping his mood so he decides to stay a while.

Ian shows up at the field and Mickey's not there, he can't help but think he might have changed his mind about meeting up with him but then he sees him walking towards him smoking a cigarette.

Mickey doesn't exactly look him in the eye when he joins him on the bench but he hands him his cigarette, Ian accepts it and his body's tension lightens just a bit. They sit in silence for a bit and just when Ian doesn't think he can take the silence anymore Mickey says something, "we need to talk"

"Look Ian.. " Mickey starts but Ian interrupts, "Can I say something first?"

Mickey actually looks at him now. "Yeah"

"I do want to be with you, I could never not want to be with you. I need you to know that. I was just scared and I didn't want to force you to be with me"

"No one can force me to do anything Ian" Ian doesn't think he's ever heard the older boy ever use his first name and he's not sure if it sits right with him.

"Don't over-think things"

Ian's shocked, Mickey seems to be inside his head.

"Ian I don't know anything about what's going on with you but just because your not yourself doesn't mean I can just ignore whats been happening."

Ian hangs his head, he can feel Mickey's eyes on him. Ian then feels Mickey's hand on his, it shocks him that he looks up at Mickey without realizing that he's crying. Mickey looks worried and a bit uncomfortable, he's still not use to the affection but he doesn't let go of Ian's hand. Ian then moves his body towards Mickey and leans on his shoulder, enjoying the moment.

Ian doesn't move from the comfort of Mickey's shoulder but he needs to continue.

"I talked to Fiona.. I know I need help I just don't want to end up like Monica."

Mickey knows Monica had some issues in the past but Ian never talks about her so he doesn't know the details.

"She once slit her wrists at thanksgiving dinner.. we were all there."

"Shit" is all Mickey can get to come out of his mouth.

Mickey finally lets what Ian just told him sink in, "Just because you share genes doesn't mean your like her, if so I'd be fucked with a homophobic prick like Terry for a father.

Ian looks up at Mickey, he wonders how someone so good and special could come from someone like Terry, "You'd never be like a Terry."

Mickey has always worried that being around Terry his whole life pretending to be something he's not would somehow turn him into some kind of Terry clone but here's Ian making sure he knows he wont. He misses Ian, he misses how Ian makes him feel and even though he's never been the sharing type he decides he must say it to Ian.

Mickey shifts so he's fully facing Ian now still holding his hand, looks straight into Ian's eyes "I miss you"

Ian's eyes widen and his jaw hangs open. Ian's waiting for Mickey to take it back or make it seem less than it is like he has before but he doesn't. Ian's realizing he hasn't said anything in a while and Mickey is getting restless so even though he's not sure of it he leans in, kisses Mickey slow at first but then Mickey gets his bearings and kisses him back with all the longing and passion that has been missing these last few weeks.

After what feels like hours they finally let go but while still in each others space Ian lets what has always been there slip out, "I love you."


	4. I Love You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And Mickey's reaction is..

Ian was terrified that actually saying those words out loud would scare Mickey away despite what Mickey had just told him.

Mickey hasn't made a sound since Ian let slip the taboo words. 

Ian can't deny that he's a little worried or maybe a lot.

Just as he's debating on whether he should try and take back what he said or convince Mickey it's not as big a deal as it really is for the both of them, Mickey finally stirs.

"I love you too."

Ian's shocked he was not expecting that, Mickey actually said he loved him and not only that it was to his face.

"I'm sorry, I was just a little caught off guard but I do, I love you Ian. I have for a long time I think."

Ian finds himself emotional not sure if its the possible bipolar or rather the fact that the guy he's been pining after for what is going on years now just confessed his feelings. Either way he thinks he's justified in his emotional state.

"Well I know I've been in love with you for a long time I just didn't want to scare you away so I never told you."

Ian can't help but notice the 'doubtful' look on Mickey's face so he grabs Mickey's face and kisses him. Still holding onto his face he leans his forehead against Mickey's.

"It's the truth."

"Why?" Mickey asks.

Ian's confused, 'how could Mickey not know why he loved him?' and then Ian remembers Fiona's words 'you have to tell him how you really feel'

"You really don't know?"

Mickey sort of just shrugs.

"Because Mickey, your you. Your strong and despite what you want people to think of you your selfless and you care about people who you deem important to you."

Ian can see Mickey visibly getting uncomfortable but he's not going to stop until he knows Mickey knows why he loves him.

"You were there for me even when my own family wasn't, you are my family."

Mickey can't believe what he's hearing, someone like Ian saying all these things about him.

"It doesn't hurt that your also really hot" Ian says smirking at Mickey.

Mickey smiles, practically blinding Ian with that look.

"Fuck you" No venom whatsoever behind the harsh words, rather happiness.

"Your not too bad yourself firecrotch." Mickey says smirking right back.

"We'll figure this shit out Ian but we have to do it together okay?"

Ian nods, that's what he wants.

Mickey and Ian have been leaning against each other in comfortable silence when Mickey stirs.

"That mean you're gonna come home then?"

"Of course." Ian smiles

He knows this isn't going to be easy but with Mickey Ian knows he can do this, alongside the man he loves and who loves him.


End file.
